Jealousy or Admiration?

 

It’s a little bit of both! Lydia Paek is someone I imagine to be my perfect self. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to be her, I want to be like her. There is a big difference. This girl can sing, dance and she (from the videos I watched of hers) is very charismatic, pretty, friendly and family oriented. I’m not putting myself down, there is some good in me but I’m not very talented and I wish I was. I wish I can dance and sing and/or play an instrument like Lydia. I guess God just spent more time with her than with me.      Wow…that’s a very depressing thought… I also like to be th!n like her…I’ve been f@t my wh0le lif3 so me b3ing her size would be god send!

I swear I’m not really this emo. I’m just a little bit sad…

Crying again…

I’m having one of those days again. It seems to be happening a lot now. I hate that feeling but I feel lost if I don’t feel it. The feeling when your chest feels so heavy and your eyes feels pressured to cry but no tears comes out because you are all cried out. That’s what I’m feeling right now as I’m typing this. I feel so l0nely in this @p@rtment. Its basically a room with a bathr00m and cost me 500 dollars a month. Instead of feeling independent because I have my own place I feel like I’m in a cell with w!f!. Thank God for the internet right! Why can’t my tears fall out, I just want to cry and cry. But I can’t anymore.

 

Heartbroken?

We’re a year now and the relationship is as fucked up as it started. Today we were talking about cheating and I know in my heart he is cheating on me. He was over my ap@rtment, he came over around 3 am, someone had called his phone. The first time I didn’t know who it was, he took his phone and lied down right next to me. My bed is only a twin so when he got another phone call I saw the name Kamille pop up. I don’t know who she was and I never heard of her. Right there and then I knew she was somebody. He was probably with her when he went to the m0vies with his friends. At around 10 pm last night he informed me he was going to watch a movie with his friends and I was upset because we never even went to the movies together before and yet he goes with his friends. That’s the type of relationship we have. He will joke around that yeah he had many girls, but I take it as true. He never had problems m33ting girls and he is always going out with his friends. I have a problem with it but I always say ok? Should I be glad that he ask me for permission? Or does he think it makes him look sincere and honest? I don’t know, but I know I am stupid. When we were talking about cheating this morning while cuddl!ng in bed, he was joking around and i was pretending I didn’t take it seriously. He said that some girls would know the guy is cheating and still she would stay with him. I had a feeling that comment was directed at me so I asked who would do that? He said his ex girl was like that. I told him I would break up with him if he ever cheated and I would cry but I had to let him go. He nodded and said I was the only one and he would never cheat. But in my mind I know that is not true. If he is not cheating now (i mean fucking a girl other than me), he will cheat in the future. I know that’s how he is, but why am I with him? Well because I am stupid that’s why, and it’s better to know I’m not physically lonely but instead emotionally l0nely.

Stress, Stress, Stress

WHY I’M STRESS…

• I’m in college and taking BULLSHIT classes

• I’m writing this post instead of my research papers

• My face blowing up again with acne and acne scars

• I’m getting fatter again…

• My boyfriend says all the time I’m FAT

• My relationship feels like a “friends with benefits”

• My mom is paying for my rent and cell phone

• I’m eating again

• My Job sucks!

• I’m Broke

And you know what’s worse I’m lonely and I have no friends…

I SUCK!

Loves 2NE1! @Lso about Sandara Park

I was introduced to Kpop when I was 19 years old. The first group that caught my attention was 2NE1 *starts singing FIRE badly.* The only reason I found out about this *FIERCE* Girl Group is because of Sandara Park aka Dara. I’m a filipina and I was around I think 14 or 15 when Sandara was big in the Philippines, so I was familiar with her in someway. Anyway, I was just surfing YOUTUBE and suddenly I saw her name pop up and I was curious and bored so I clicked on the video. The video was a music video of FIRE, the street version. I remembered my eyes were only on Dara when watching the video and thinking “WOW she improved a lot.” Cuz you see, when she was in the Philippines Sandara wasn’t that talented, I only thought she was pretty. She was pretty decent in acting but her singing and dancing wasn’t the best, but may I add her other so called members in SCQ weren’t the best either. But, while watching some more live shows and I Don’t Care  mv,  I was really enjoying Sandara and her group members. I thought each was unique and beautiful in their own way. Adding to the fact that they are VERY TALENTED. I loved them instantly.

                               

Back to Sandara! To me Sandara has a lot of charisma, and she may not be the best at dancing and singing, but her charisma and her beauty stands out the most. I heard and read many comments about how Dara shouldn’t be in 2NE1 and in my opinion 2NE1 wouldn’t be 2NE1 without her. She may not be the best but she has a role in the group and the group wouldn’t be complete without her. Her voice goes well with the group, I don’t know what others are talking about. I think Sandara’s voice is perfect. You can’t all have big voices in one group anyway. Each member of 2NE1 is 25% of the group and add it all together it’s 100%. So…haha…